A lifetime of people-pleasing is harmful to your psyche and well-being. While well-intended, and often conditioned into this role early on in your development, it often gives way to resentment, avoidance, contempt, anger, self-hatred, and anxiety. We might do it at our workplaces, at family functions, within our own social groups - and while it might help keep temporary peace, it ultimately leads to long-term drama. People respect you less. You respect you less. So below are a handful of resources I frequently recommend to those who are starting the journey of breaking that bad habit.
Enlightening, direct, informative
There is a good chance that if people-pleasing is big enough in your life that it is disrupting your enjoyment of life - this is conditioning you were raised in by the social environment. This book very directly addresses the parental factors here, and uses accessible case study examples to show you how your people-pleasing tendencies manifest.
Direct, informative, supportive, skills-based
The companion book to the above. Growing up in under-nourishing environments often leaves you without the tools to nourish yourself. This book can teach you possible angles of approach so you may acquire the skills you're looking for.
People pleasing, loneliness, agency
This informative guide helps you identify and heal from childhood emotional neglect so you can be more connected and emotionally present in your life.
Do you sometimes feel like you’re just going through the motions in life? Do you often act like you’re fine when you secretly feel lonely and disconnected? Perhaps you have a good life and yet somehow it’s not enough to make you happy. Or perhaps you drink too much, eat too much, or risk too much in an attempt to feel something good.
If so, you are not alone―and you may be suffering from emotional neglect.
TEDx: Why People Pleasing is Hurting You
time: ~17 min
How to Stop People Pleasing
time: ~6 min